A practical method to manage your anger.
Introducing the Spider Net Theory for Tolerance and Peace (SNTTP)
Dr. Priyantha Navarathne, PhD
We all crave mental peace and happiness. We continuously put a lot of effort to lead a happy and peaceful life. Despite this, a lot of people claim that what they lack in their lives is peace and happiness. Unfortunately, it’s hard to find a person who is in a state of happiness. If you examine the reason for this, it’s due to the intense endless competition in modern society that people are engaged in. They forego all their leisure time to win this competition to stay ahead of their peers and satisfy their endless needs. As a result, they are faced with mental agony and dissatisfaction. One of the major factors that destroys our mental happiness is anger. While some people can control their anger, some are not able to control it. As a result, people become slaves to anger and result in enslaving themselves to regret for wrong decisions they have made when they were angry.
It is a known fact that water can extinguish fire. In the same way, we must examine what characteristics in specific we need to cultivate that will help us to overcome anger. It’s none other than tolerance. You can examine and find out for yourself to what extent your tolerance threshold is and what negative circumstances has your anger caused you to experience so far in life. During a moment of anger, were you able to notice your thoughts clearly? Were you able to observe your bodily reactions under extreme anger situations? You can learn about the negative effects of anger on your body and mind by paying attention to the entire changes that bring about when in anger. Your mind remains agitated for a few hours, or perhaps even for a few days or weeks, following a certain incident that provoked anger.
Although the mind searches for positive feelings, it is instinctively programmed to delve into an ocean of negative feelings. Therefore, it helps to cultivate a positive State of mind if we can anchor to remind ourselves to deviate from a state of Anger and from any reaction that can bring about regret. Based on my personal residential experiences in forest ecosystems, I would like to introduce the Spider Net Theory for Tolerance and Peace (SNTTP) as a solution to address a moment of anger. I have used this method to help people increase their capacity to control their anger in counseling sessions, workshops, and psychology lectures. Therefore, the main objective of this article is to introduce this Theory to readers and remind them of this theorem to overcome a moment of anger.
In just two steps, anyone can apply this Theory. Being mindful of the situation that is making you angry is the first step. Buddhist teachings also emphasize the need to be mindful of day-to-day living. If you can pause and observe the situation that you are faced mindfully (similar to yellow in a traffic light), rather than instantaneously reacting to the situation at hand without observing and rationalizing the situation. When you observe the situation mindfully you can temporally stop the mind being possessed with anger. Therefore, given the mental process has been temporarily halted, this will only temporarily help to subdue the ability to cross over to anger. Given this temporary mental state, this is not entirely safe. Let’s now talk about the second step. Every time I enter a forest to take part in forest residential programs, most often I tend to experience this step. In the morning when we are walking along the footpaths in the forests, it’s important that we pay attention to every step we take on the walking path. Therefore, when we are focused on taking steps by looking down, we sometimes get entangled in cobwebs that are knitted across the footpath. Therefore, when faced with a situation where we are entangled in a Cobweb, the first thing we need to do is to stop moving forward as the upper part of our body is attached to the spider net. The best course of action in this situation is not to try to remove the net with your hands. If this is done, the situation will get worse. The quickest and easiest way to proceed in this situation is to take a few steps back; at that point, the attached net will effortlessly detach from your body. After that, you can clear the path by using a branch of a tree and then proceed.
Similarly, when a situation arises that can provoke you, you can stop to think and take a few steps back without entangling yourself in the adverse situation and mindfully deciding what to do, and then take the best course of action without a silhouette of anger. When mindfully looking at the situation, you will see that you are even free to leave the situation rather than get involved. When this is practiced the above-mentioned entire thought process will occur within a span of a few seconds, giving you clarity of the situation and allowing you to face it with tolerance and patience, improving the overall mental wellbeing.
In conclusion, pay close awareness to your surroundings if you sense that they are about to make you agitated. Then see the spider net reflecting your need for either mental well-being or mental suffering.
After that, take a few steps back to calm your mind. An individual who becomes enraged and attacks others is like someone who throws a hot iron ball at people. The first to be burned will be the one who is throwing the ball. In certain instances, in the battleground, even the most powerful army may decide to step back with the intention of conquering a larger land mass and winning the battle. If that strategy is used in the field of battle, to take a few steps back, then what’s stopping you from doing the same?